The Power of Promises
couples make promises every day. we promise to pick up the dry cleaning, the kids and the pizza on the way home. we promise to be faithful and free of addictive elements in our lives. our promises often seem reliable and in the spirit of benevolence or perhaps sometimes just to avoid unnecessary conflict. but the broken, forgotten or dismissed promises have consequences that aren’t easy to pin down. afterall, we are human and can be forgetful or preoccupied. but do these promises fail simply because of the human condition or is there something else happening?
when we make promises in a relationship it often feels more like a noble idea than it does a sacred agreement. perhaps this is because nobody is forcing us to follow through on such promises and the consequences aren’t necessarily noticeable, at least not at first glance. but how then do promises that are broken, undervalued or never made, impact relationships? and how does this impact a couple’s identity?
when vows are made at the altar, they sound poetic and sentimental as guests often marvel at the promises couples declare to each other. but these promises sometimes give way to more practical needs, desires and personal pursuits that can leave such promises broken, forgotten or disregarded. some of these have catastrophic consequences as in the heartache of a discovered affair or the effects an addiction has on a relationship’s health.
for many though, the promises broken are not typically egregious offenses but rather the absence of daily routines and rituals that couples forget to build into their relationship. these promises fall under the radar as non-essential, but they are the building blocks of the emotional muscle that sustains a couple’s well-being.
the power of a smile, hello, hug & a kiss
couples don’t carve it in stone that they will greet each other daily with a smile, warm embrace and a kiss. but once upon a time many couples did this even though it wasn’t promised. but what if it were promised that this ritual was part of their daily routine? what if couples decided that regardless of what the day looked like they would choose to keep their relationship grounded in kindness, respect and sweetness? this wouldn’t suggest we have to pretend to be in a good mood when there was good cause to be angry, sad or frustrated. but rather, it would give a coupleship the opportunity to feel like a loving resource to one another as opposed to an additional stressor in the way of their current feelings.
partners who are committed to promises create a relationship identity that reminds one another how they want to operate regardless of social conditions or daily stressors. it tells one another, i am committed to feeding our marriage even when the day has been challenging and a cold beverage and couch may be the only desired remedy. couples who promise to create ways of staying connected give their relationship not only more security but more confidence that they can endure difficult waves in their relationship because it is intentionally built to persevere. a couple builds its identity not merely on its moments of fun, laughter and intimacy but also on its commitment to keep promises even when life gets hard.
