Why Men Should Consider Counseling
it is no big surprise that men are not the biggest fans of counseling. and because i am a part of this particular gender i’ll refrain from bashing my own people. but if we can make sense of what gets in the way of men seeking support it can perhaps lead to a more reasonable understanding. this may help us appreciate men’s reluctance as opposed to suggesting we are merely prideful, self-sufficient problem-solvers that have no use for outside influence, particularly when it comes to something private like our relationships.
indeed, there are some common reasons why men balk at counseling- time, cost, disbelief in its usefulness and privacy. and if we are fair, each of these issues are important and should be discussed to make counseling more appealing to men.
doesn’t counseling take years? the time counseling takes is contingent upon the nature of the issues. sometimes only a few sessions can help unlock an individual or couple’s stuckness. but where there are more longstanding issues, perhaps related to trauma or unresolved triggers that have been lingering around for years, it can take longer to work through the weeds and reinvent a new mindset and way of coping. but the goal is always to get people on their way without us.
isn’t the cost of therapy ridiculous? the cost of therapy depends on whether you are willing or able to use insurance for your sessions. many therapists work hard to help make the cost affordable for clients by spacing out appointments, offering reduced fees or providing homework assignments that can substitute as an alternative to more frequent visits. but when we think about how much the quality of our lives revolves around healthy relationships, we view therapy as a much greater value than the cost of divorce, addiction or the incalculable price of poor mental health. we do not overlook the importance of finances on people’s lives. and its useful to talk about this with your therapist as we don’t wish to help you in one area of your life and accidentally hurt you in another.
will counseling actually help or is it just some bobblehead pretending to listen and taking my money? if that’s the case, you should fire him or her and request your money back. you attend therapy to gain insight into your psychology and your relationships. this includes understanding your cognition, the patterns you are experiencing, the strengths you possess and the blind spots that may be getting in the way of your potential. it involves understanding your past and present in ways that are more empowering and taking action so that it is not merely a conversation but a springboard toward a better way of being. we want you to see real progress in your life not just dabble in a feeling conversation.
but i don’t like talking about personal matters with others. we get that! as men we want to fix things on our own. it’s hard enough trying to make sense of what we feel to then have to share it with some stranger. but if we want to get better at something we must move toward our discomfort. firefighters go toward the fire, that’s why they put it out. as men, we might find it a bit weird talking about our personal challenges or relationship struggles, but once we get started, we recognize that there is power to getting things off our chest and becoming open to new ways of thinking and connecting with the people we care most about.
if you would like to reach out for a free phone consultation, send an email or text a question, click on the contact link above or below and i’d be happy to listen to your unique concerns and see if i may be able to be helpful.
